I realised out of the blue today why I own so many pairs of shoes, many of which are hardly worn.
No not a shoe fetish!
I’d passed the 11+ which meant I automatically got a grammar school place. More than that, my school put me forward for a bursary to attend the best girls’ grammar school in London.
Imagine the competition for a bursary at this brilliantly innovative school… For example, in 1959, it was teaching Latin through ‘Janet and John’ type books and even had a Henry Moore sculpture in the playground!
And, yay, I got an interview for that precious bursary place!
The day came and all I could think about was my scuffed and worn down shoes. I can see them now… A pale mushroom slip on shoe with scuffs the only way shiny shoes can scuff and worn down heels. I even had to grip my toes to keep them on when I walked.
The shame and dis-ease I felt then floods my body now.
That poor bright square-peg-in-a-round-hole girl… I sigh deeply as I identify with her. I need to let her know adult me has loads of shoes, ALL of them well fitting, un-scuffed and well heeled.
She cries with over-whelming relief. Relief that someone is in charge of her now who is mindful, caring and able. Someone in charge of her now who ensures that I/she are well shod.
As I hold my sobbing 11 year old self, the shame disperses with her tears.
Wild Soul work is like that!
I have no idea why I realised the shoe thing this morning other than it’s given me an opportunity to heal an old wound. I laugh at myself as I type those words… As if healing an old wound was just a mere thing!
And healing, becoming more whole, can be that simple. An awareness, a realisation and some intra-psychic re-parenting where you give the part of you suspended in time what you needed then but didn’t get.
What could you put to rest in yourself right now?
Love and wild warm wishes…
PS… If you’ve got a decision that’s difficult to make or feel unsettled, unsatisfied or just downright frustrated and long to sigh a big sigh of relief as the balloon of tension swiftly deflates… grab a 20 minute courtesy call with me now!