I’m having a tough time right now…
I’m on the edge of something. I’m feeling scared while knowing what wants to be expressed through me is my next Wild Soul’s step, my next personal and spiritual expansion.
Like giving birth it’s inevitable. I can’t stop it although my personality is putting up one helluva fight.
Correction!
It is NOT inevitable…
You could keep yourself at this level of tension forever. You could spend year after year of your life in this discomfort, this dis-ease, as I did way back in my twenties.
You could even die without ever having played the music that only you could have played.
Ever felt like there’s something ‘more’ but you don’t know what? Like it’s on the tip of your tongue but you can’t quite get the thing out?’
HA!
I’ve just realised I’ve been making a cardinal mistake…
I’m straining, as if constipated, both to allow what’s wanting to emerge come out AND at the same time holding it in.
Reminds me of being a very little girl in the early fifties when we only had an outside toilet. Often I was just too scared to use it because of the spider colony that loved congregating there.
So I would hold it in for as long as possible.
I was also being sexually abused during that time.
I stop writing, strangely calmed.
The straining’s replaced by tears of realisation…
This ‘tough time’ is about me expressing my ‘RED.’ As I understand it at the moment, that’s even more of my spirituality, sexuality, sensuality and passion. Even more of my sacredness even though I don’t know how that might look right now.
So no wonder it’s scary. My little one fears I’ll attract even more spiders and abuse if I become more visible.
I scoop her up in my imagination, totally ready to give her the love, protection and reassurance she needed then and didn’t get.
Both for her healing… and my own!
Tough time over…
Love and wild warm wishes…
PS… If you’re an exasperated mid-life woman on the edge of a scream who’d love to have spiritual clarity so you can find your divine spark and direction, unleash your own brand of being and live life to the full, contact me here!