You know how it is when there’s something you need to say and it just won’t come. You feel it on the tip of your tongue wanting to come out but frustratingly there’s nada, zilch, a freakin’ zero!
The last chapter’s step-by-step plan of my ‘how to find yourself again’ book is in front of me but I’m mentally and emotionally constipated. A few stilted sentences happen, then a splutter and then nothing.
I’m sabotaging myself with fear about being visible and, therefore, vulnerable to being humiliated and shot down. Ghostly echoes of childhood ridicule and minimisation flutter through me as I know them for what they are.
You can work on yourself until you’re blue in the face and sometimes, just sometimes, the old stuff returns with a wallop! It does so because there’s a new angle of the issue to resolve. A new piece of your personal and spiritual evolution to unfold, however much the discomfort.
I type under the chapter heading, ‘W T F! My writing is stunted because this is not what I want to write!!!’
Then I cry…
The crying brings a wave of relief like ‘OK, I really-really-REALLY get it.’
Then words start tumbling out inspired by my Wild Soul’s inner wisdom, my full heart and my gorgeous guts instead of being shackled by intellectual ego and self-sabotaging gremlins…
‘I once knew a Zen monk from Yorkshire who swore like a trooper and drank like a fish but was wise in his knowing. So, when a man I loved deeply dumped me I was distraught and sought the monk’s help. I told him I thought the excruciating pain I felt was a measure of how much I loved that man. ‘Oh no,’ he said. ‘You feel excruciating pain because you think that love is only to be found in one place whereas love is to be found everywhere.’
With my eyes opened, I realised love was, indeed, everywhere. It was in the warmth of the woman’s smile as I bought bread from her, in the affectionate joined hands of an old couple sitting on a bench, in a mother’s joyful and safe swinging of her baby in the park, a stranger’s generous smile as we passed each other in town and loads of other examples I noticed that day.
Fleeting moments of love touched all my senses and my heart, illuminating that love is truly, truly everywhere.
It is also absolutely, truly, madly, deeply everything!
You can only know that when, like the taste of sugar, you’ve experienced a taste of love. For, when you’ve been held in the warm and secure embrace of love, you don’t have words. You only have feelings and metaphors to describe it. As a client of mine once said, feeling loved was like lying on the most supportive, embracing and firm bed in a deeply restorative sleep because you knew you were 100% safe to sleep that profoundly.’
What all this means is that I have a start-to-finish rewrite of the book on my hands. Nothing else will do. Because not speaking or writing my deepest soul-full, heartfelt and gutsy truth is far, far too painful when what I’m being asked to do is fly…
How about you?
Love and wild warm wishes…
Teaching mid-life women who feel lost how to
powerfully reclaim who you are, where you’re going
and what you came here to do.
PS… Do you know a mid-life woman who feels she’s lost her way or herself? She might be divorcing and feel at sea. She might feel a bit empty and ‘what now?’ with children leaving home. She might feel disappointed she or life hasn’t turned out the way she expected.
Please give her this link for a cost-free call… Her life’s too precious to go to waste! BTW if she commits to my Wild Soul Programme, you’ll get a 15-minute Tarot Consultation worth £25 as a thank you…