The wind’s blowing quite strongly lashing the rain against my windows as I’m writing early this morning. And it reminds me of how our emotional life can be at times.
It’s extraordinary how things in your current life, even teeny things, can trigger emotional memories of events long past. And sometimes you can wonder why you got so frustrated or wound up or frightened over something seemingly so small.
It’s those emotional memories that cause us to overreact.
In Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they’re called ‘flashbacks,’ past memories that intrude on our everyday life which can include triggered emotions, sensations, and those from any of our senses.
Like being transported back to the past.
I’ve been known to say to clients we’ve got two sets of feelings going on here, past and present. And we need to help historic ‘you’ first to be able to see and help what’s really going on in your life now.
So, are all the women I work with suffering from PTSD?
Absolutely not!
You and I and every human being have a history in which good things have happened and not-so-good things have happened and, for some of us, awful, awful things have happened.
And they get stored away, including the emotional charge that goes with them.
It’s normal to have flashbacks!
How else could we laugh our heads off in the present remembering a funny thing that happened in the past?
That’s a flashback too.
OK, Sharon, you might be thinking… So what?
The so-what is to be kinder to yourself when you catch yourself over-reacting.
Stop if you can, apologise if you can (to anyone present taking the brunt of your behaviour), reflect on the historic ‘you’ who’s been triggered and give her what she needs for her healing if you can.
And be more understanding of the some-one else if they’re overreacting. Their behaviour is probably not personal to you.
HOWEVER…
That doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to be abusive to somebody else because you’re having a flashback. That’s a definite ‘cease and desist’…
And get help to change that behaviour.
It also doesn’t mean you tolerate abusive behaviour directed towards you because it could be a flashback…
Get you and your precious self out of that situation or out of that relationship at a high rate of knots. Doesn’t matter who it is, your boss, a work colleague, your partner, your friend… even your child.
Get out and get help!
The wind has dropped and so focused have I been on writing to you that I didn’t notice the rain had stopped some while ago too.
Just like our emotional life.
After the storm, the calm…
And…
If what I’ve written has triggered something emotional in you, what is it, and what do you need to do about it, woman?
Love and wild warm wishes…
Helping midlife women nourish their souls to empower their lives
PS… Living without overreacting is blissful and not getting emotionally churned up and blasting it outside of yourself is a blessing… That’s what I wish for you. To talk with me about that drop me a line at sharon@thewildelder.com
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