Doing it the hard way and why it worked out great for me!

I was pacing about. Literally pacing about in our lounge like a caged lion. I couldn’t sit still and my then husband made some wise-crack like, ‘Watch out for the men in white coats!’

I’d been having an unsettled feeling inside of me for years… So long it seemed forever.

Those feelings quietened down occasionally when I got involved in something that seemed to quench their thirst. Running a class at a summer school or painting a room in the house or reading a book that seemed to have deep meaning for me.

But when the project was done, back came the unsettled and frustrating ‘there’s something missing but I don’t know what it is!’ feeling.

I numbed it out at times. But there’s always a price to pay when you deny it. Depression literally means ‘a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface’ and being de-pressed, pushed down into submission.

I’ve known other women to have physical illnesses or affairs, to use alcohol to soften the edges of it, to become a workaholic, to throw themselves into being domestic goddess only to have the place sparklingly clean and smell of baking fruit pies but, in the extreme, feeling so empty you’d want to slit your throat.

And yet others who just accept that’s how life is and get on with it!

I would get so frustratingly near to what was missing like it was on the tip of my tongue…

Moments with my children. The sun streaming through a glass door like a biblical moment of enlightenment. Something I read in a book that made me feel more alive or inspired me or pointed to something I couldn’t quite grasp.

And then?

And then I crashed into the deepest darkest chasm and my therapist floundered and thrashed about which only made the situation worse. She had no idea!

I recovered eventually, and, while my memory’s hazy about certain things, I know it began with a voice inside my head that said, ‘I’ve been fighting for you.’

Some would say it was the voice of God but I knew it was within me, that there was something inside so deeply on my side I would always be safe however bad life got.

I later discovered it was my Wild Soul… The unsettled, sometimes anxious, feelings had been symptoms of being estranged from my Wild Soul; my original design, who I was meant to be, and my fail proof inner guidance system.

My recovery was fraught with awfulness.

Like the doctor who told me in so many words that I was going mad when I felt like I was but wasn’t really. Like the family member who told me to apply for a council flat as I wouldn’t get well in my own home. And other advice too freely given, bless them, which came from the other peoples’ fears rather than what was good for me.

There was no-one but no-one who could show me the way in… and then the way out. That proved to be an absolute blessing! I had to find both of those on my own and so developed, and continue to develop, a body of expertise, knowledge and wisdom so that…

No woman will ever have to be separated from the riches of her Wild Soul on my watch so she can, instead, live her life big and wild and free… whatever that means for her.

You don’t have to go down the dark route I did!

Just know, bright and capable woman, that if you ever feel unsettled and get frustrated you can’t work out what’s going on, it’s probably your Wild Soul calling for you to be even more of the magnificent woman you are!

Love and wild warm wishes…