I’ve never been in with the “in” crowd…
In the early sixties, as a young teenager, going off to the youth club summer camp, one of my friends rushed up to me and breathlessly asked, “Have you heard the latest Beatles’?” I stared at her for a moment and then replied, “Who are the Beatles?”
Enough said?
No pop star posters on my bedroom wall… It just didn’t occur to me. You’d more likely find me with my nose in a book.
So, not at school, not in friendship groups, not in the “successful women who’ve got it altogether” circles… (But have they really? That’s a whole other OP-ED).
However…
In my 20s and 30s, I so longed to be part of the “in” crowd. With hindsight, I can see myself trying to earn my way into belonging by being helpful, resourceful, and appearing to be like them.
Not quite selling my soul, but on my way to it!
This week, a client and I were talking about how exhausting it is to live like you’re always one move away from being in the “in” crowd, but never quite making it.
Might be you’re too much or not enough… Too emotional, sensitive, and/or intense… Too quiet, needy, and/or complicated.
Not the right “class,” or clothes, or amount of money, ya-di-ya-di-ya!
But underneath all the yearning to belong, there was something precious.
My client wasn’t craving popularity. She was craving safety, and so was I back in the day.
I was craving the kind of safety where I could be myself without performing, could speak my truth and be at ease with myself AND them amongst kindred souls.
In my immaturity, I thought I’d find that in with the “in” crowd…
Sadly, when you’ve spent years shaping yourself to fit into spaces that were never designed to hold you, you start to believe you’re the problem. But you’re not!
You’re not…
not good enough,
not smart enough,
not pretty enough.
And definitely not whatever you think you’re lacking to gain entry to the “in” crowd.
You’re just carrying the survival strategies of a woman who learned early on that love, or rather the illusion of love, was conditional…
Midlife has this way of turning the volume up on what you’ve ignored for decades. Your body starts whispering, and then shouting, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!
And that’s not you failing… That’s you waking up…
Waking up to come home to who you are and who you’ve always been without the mask.
So, if you, like me, have never felt like you belonged with the “in” crowd, maybe that’s because you were meant for deeper connections, deeper friendships, and a life built on who you really are rather than on approval.
It’s time to stop auditioning for spaces that were never a fit for you anyway, woman.
Never a fit for you anyway…
You were never meant to beg at the door!
Love and wild warm wishes…
Guiding stressed professional midlife women to
find the more-to-life they’re yearning for!
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